People with narcissistic personality disorder manipulate those around them to coerce, diminish and take advantage of them.
By spotting how narcissists distort facts, language, feelings and ideas to you can gain distance from them which makes it easier to set healthy boundaries against them.
The notes I used are below the video.
Narcissists manipulate people using the following kinds of methods.
1) Attempt to shift the conversation by getting personal.
If you bring up a topic that threatens a narcissist’s ego, he may resort to name-calling, questioning your intelligence or attacking your character. It distracts from the topic at hand and makes you feel you have to defend yourself.
2) Glittering Generalities: Using glowing words and statements to describe ones self, ideas, or behaviours without providing evidence.
3) The Big Lie: Spinning a lie so outrageous that others are at a loss where to even begin to refute it. Narcissists are convinced that whatever they say in the moment is 100 percent true just because they are saying it. Lying often comes naturally, and the bigger the lie, the more it may overwhelm others’ critical faculties.
4) Intentional Vagueness: Saying something so vague as to be meaningless or open to multiple interpretations. Trying to figure out what was meant, distracts your attention from legitimate concerns or questions.
5) Exaggerating: Stretching the truth to extremes to get credit, eliminate doubt, or coerce someone.
6) Minimizing: They deny or downplay anything that doesn’t fit with their story or goals. Narcissists are image conscious so they frequently minimize the negative consequences of their actions. They also discount others’ feelings and needs, seeing them as nuisances.
7) False Equivalence: Attempting to equate vastly different situations to one’s advantage. Narcissists use false equivalencies to justify their unreasonable views and grandiose needs as well as to avoid responsibility for their destructive behaviours.
8) Gish Gallop: A rapid-fire series of assertions, questions and accusations launched at another without giving a chance to respond. It makes the narcissist feel powerful because it makes others appear foolish or ignorant.
9) Lesser of Two Evils: Giving someone only two undesirable options of which one is far more catastrophic. Narcissists use this to justify or excuse control, abuse, or other excesses.
10) Repetition / Ad Nauseam: Repeating a word or phrase endlessly to side-track discussion. The goal is that if something is said often enough, others may start to believe it. It also is a way of dismissing what another is saying my simply talking over them, repeating a stock phrase or being unresponsive to further discussion.
11) Scapegoating: Falsely blaming one individual for a group’s problems. This is one of narcissists’ favourite tactics because it can accomplish many things at once: making others feel inferior; getting other people to go along with the narcissist in ostracizing someone; gaining a feeling of power at orchestrating a group action; hiding or distracting from anything that would make the narcissist look bad; and evading the narcissist’s responsibility for creating part of the problem.
12) You Too: Answering a criticism by asserting the other person is guilty as well. The implication is that a questioner or accuser is hypocritical. The goal is to have a stalemate and put others on the defensive while sidestepping the original complaint.
Do you recognise any of these methods as describing Sogyal Rinpoche’s behaviour? I do, and had I known this information before I met him, I would have realised what was going on.