Food for thought:
“O monks and wise men, just as a goldsmith would test his gold by burning, cutting and rubbing it, so must you examine my words and accept them, not merely out of reverence for me.
My teaching is not a philosophy. It is the result of direct experience…
My teaching is a means of practice, not something to hold onto or worship.
My teaching is like a raft used to cross the river.
Only a fool would carry the raft around after he had already reached the other shore of liberation.
If you were to follow the Dharma purely out of love for me or because you respect me, I would not accept you as disciple. But if you follow the Dharma because you have yourself experienced its truth, because you understand and act accordingly – only under these conditions have you the right to call yourself a disciple of the Exalted One.”
From Old Path, White Clouds by Thich Nath Hanh
Dzongsar Kyentse’s talks at Rigpa will be available on You Tube for us all to listen to, and many Rigpa students are probably looking to his words in the hope that he will provide the answers they are looking for, but let’s not forget to examine what we hear, and let’s not forget the main point: a Tibetan Lama abused his close students for decades, and he isn’t the only one to do so. There is something wrong with a religion that not only allows this to happen in the first place but also has teachers that teach that there is nothing wrong with the behaviour, (though let’s also not forget that many teachers have made it quite clear that abusive behaviour is not vajrayana – see links to such statements on our Reference Links page.)
DZK said in his First Facebook post on the topic, “However you describe Sogyal Rinpoche’s style of teaching, the key point here is that if his students had received a Vajrayana initiation, if at the time they received it they were fully aware that it was a Vajrayana initiation, and if Sogyal Rinpoche had made sure that all the necessary prerequisites has been adhered to and fulfilled, then from the Vajrayana point of view, there is nothing wrong with Sogyal Rinpoche’s subsequent actions. ”
It’s clear from his reply to Bernie’s letter that DZK is not going to change his mind about that. He will just elaborate on the idea, and we are supposed to believe him. We are supposed to believe that the issue is lack of preparation, not the behaviour itself. So let’s not lose sight of the fact that no matter how elequently you speak and no matter what philosophical ideas you share, people have been traumatised by emotional, physical and sexual abuse, and (unless you have been brainwashed to ignore common human sense) we all know that is wrong, no matter what spin you put on it.
In the Kalama Sutta, the Buddha said:
“Now, Kalamas, don’t go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, ‘This contemplative is our teacher.’ When you know for yourselves that, ‘These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness’ — then you should enter & remain in them.”
Why should we believe that DZK or any other lama has some moratorium on truth. Haven’t we learned from this that we must never give up our own discernment? We need to test what we hear, not swallow it whole just because the words come from a lama.
Those most badly burned by Sogyal Rinpoche find it hard to trust any lama who has not stated clearly that Sogyal’s behaviour was unacceptable, and for good reason since they are cut from the same cloth. This You Tube Video makes me aware of just how subtle manipulation can be, and how we must question whether or not be are being brainwashed to believe something contrary to what out own discernment tells us Are we being hoodwinked again? Is this just another way to secure the power of the lamas?
“As the voice of your discriminating awareness grows stronger and clearer, you will start to discriminate between its truth and the various deceptions of the ego, and you will be able to listen with discernment and confidence.” Tibetan Book of Loving and Dying p 120.
Yes, even Sogyal honoured our wisdom of discernment/discriminating wisdom, but don’t let someone else tell you what is your ego and what is not. After decades of study and practice of this tradition, if it does work, you should have some connection with that wisdom, so use it. Don’t just believe what someone else tells you.
In a recent Facebook post Hridaya Artha talks about DZK’s ascertion in his reply to Bernie that Dzogchen is vajrayana and can’t be separated from it, that they come as a package deal. I do not know who Hridaya Artha is or how correct his information is, but he suggests that what we are told as being indispensible to Dzogchen is actually a later addition. I post here just his conclusion, but I suggest that you click here and read the whole thing.
“If old style Dzogchen or Mahāmudrā are being taught, since they are a path of direct perception and natural luminosity, beyond sūtra and tantra, then samaya legislation simply doesn’t apply. Gampopa used to give mahāmudrā instruction to those who were not (tantrically or otherwise) « prepared ». Samaya and lack of preparation don’t come into the picture at all. It is not through old style Dzogchen and Mahāmudrā that one gets caught up in samaya troubles.
For those following « package deals », things may be differently according to the specific small print of those « deals ». Fortunately direct perception and natural luminosity are beyond deals.” Hridaya Artha
Regardless of the truth of anything else he says, the last sentence is undoubtably true.
True or not, reading this reminds us why we need to connect with our “inner voice, our innate wisdom of discernement” (TBLD p120) and trust only what rings true to us on the deepest possible level – or at least not to accept as truth anything unless “these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness”.
I repost here a comment on DZK’s reply to Bernie’s letter that was posted on the How Did it Happen Blog:
“The very basic moral framework in Buddhism is to not harm others. On that ground we can meet, on that ground we can start any discussion. Were others harmed in long term and short term perspectives by SR? Yes! How were they harmed? Basically through the actions of SR and by (the abuse of) Vajrayana and its concepts or means. A genuine discussion should therefore address these points: the harm been done, how that could happen (from the POV of dependent arising) and what means or concepts of Vajrayana play a key role in that in order to prevent future harm. But such a discussion is totally side tracked by DKR, Rigpa and also by anyone who wants to sale the harm as the result of clashing cultural values.
May I remind everybody on the clean clear statement by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche on Lion’s Roar who is both, a fully qualified Dzogchen and Mahamudra master? (It might be good to read it again and again…)
What YMR stresses are the ethics; what DKR stresses are the “beyond ethics and concepts”.
Funnily DKR‘s statements still involve ethics and concepts which are to totally abide by the view of the guru as enlightened, not to even think “abuse“ and to re-interprete even the vilest actions of the guru as enlightened. You can’t do that by going beyond concepts. You need concepts to do that. (You need many concepts to achieve such a type of “brainwashing”… !!!) You need to ignore ethics, your perceptions, intuition, judgement, moral compass etc. in order to do that, but ignoring ethics and avoidance of even to think of abuse are still ethical guidelines and not beyond ethics and concepts. Such demands, I think, are also not beyond “dualism” either.
DKR‘s approach basically serves the total power of the guru and the submission of the student; it lacks compassion by denying harm. YMR‘s approach stresses ethics, empowers the students, does not deny harm and is also very compassionate and makes far more sense.
So, everybody can think for herself what approach reflects more the teachings of the Buddha or core Buddhist values. It’s not as DKR and also Rigpa want to make us believe a matter of (poor / not well thought out) Western cultural values. I won’t fall pray to that trick and I hope others see through such tricks too.
I leave you with this wonderfully simple statement from the Dhammapada as a reminder of the point some lamas seem to conveniently ignore when it comes to their behaviour.
“Not to do any evil, to cultivate good, to purify one’s mind, this is the teaching of the Buddhas.” Dhammapada v. 183
What rings true for you?
PS; yes this is posted by Tahlia, and no, I haven’t started writing posts for the blog again, all I’m doing here is sharing what others have sent my way. If you have anything you think is relevant to the ongoing discussion that you think should be shared here, please feel free to use the contact form to send links or even a post of your own for consideration for posting.
Oh, and, Pete, you can comment again, just please remember the point of the blog and the rules for commenting .
Current and previous students of Rigpa wanting private support are welcome to join the What Now? Facebook group. Please contact us via the contact page and ask for an invite.
Ex-Rigpa students and their dharma friends who want to move on from the discussion of abuse in Rigpa can stay in touch through the Dharma Companions Facebook Group.
The What Now? Reference Material page has links to a wealth of articles in the topics related to abuse in Buddhist communities. For links to places to assist in healing from abuse see the sangha care resources page.
Hi Tahlia, Thanks for your latest post. You brought a smile to my face. And wow! You are welcoming Pete again. Congratulations! What made you change your mind?
I have been around Tibetan Buddhism since the 1960’s, and Dzongsar is undoubtedly the most opinionated teacher that I have ever met. Moreover, he often ridicules things that he knows very little about.
So the obvious question arises: If Dzongsar is so opinionated about things he knows very little about, why does he remain silent about Sogyal’s abuse and Rigpa’s coverup, which is something so obvious, and which he has known about for years?
Put it this way…
Dzongsar’s silence is the reason why he was chosen to be the advisor to Rigpa’s governing board, which consists of a small group of Sogyal’s closest supporters.
Sogyal and Dzongsar are closer than what most people think.
Be warned.
Where is Sogyal? Why doesn’t he explain his own behavior ? If he is realize enough to do such actions, isn’t he realize enough to face the result of his actions ? Why the money of our western countries would be good to take but not our law to be followed ?
Very good question…instead of answering he posts pathetic looking photos on his fb page that have been obviously re-touched. He’s using tried and true bully tactics, when force doesn’t work try to get sympathy. Both are ways to shirk responsibility for his actions.
He guilted people who were seriously ill, dying from cancer, to attend teachings, then he’d take full responsibility for any healing they experienced and blame their karma when the condition worsened or they died. Apparently he had enough energy to travel to Bhutan or Nepal, funny how he seems to have lost his ability to communicate anything but poor pitiful me sentiments to sangha.
I’ve just finished watching Dzongsar’s three hour speech at Rigpa.
As predicted, when Dzongsar was asked what he thought about Sogyal, Dzongsar’s ambiguity and red herrings completely covered-up Sogyal’s sex abuse.
Shame on you Dzongsar, shame on you.
Along the history, Great Masters never satisfied people who put wrong questions. Usually, a real Master rarely criticize, doesn’t matter the subject of discussion.
If it were as you say, a master should criticize virulently Islam, Christianity and others, whose dogmas can harm a much larger number of people than Sogyal’s group.
From my point of view, those who suffered, had to kick Sogyal in the ass, a long time ago, then to leave. Blame is theirs, also.
To Lawrence
It is widely known that Dzongsar is one the most opinionated people out there. He is constantly ridiculing and criticising many things in this world, even petty things that he knows very little about.
However, Dzongsar still remains silent about Sogyal’s sex abuse, despite having been informed about it so many times. And sex abuse is one of the most heinous crimes in the world.
So what kind of “master” does that make Dzongsar?
Abuse of student/teacher relationship exists on many fronts and is not just limited to Rigpa or what has been observed with the Catholic Church. We see it in Hollywood with the Weinstein case that has been recently publicized and it exists in other realms as well where either physical or psychological abuse is used as a means of control. This is something that is commonly also employed in hostage situations. So focusing on one aspect without seeing how it permeates in other spheres of life is somewhat misleading and just looking at one small piece instead of the larger picture. Those who are made insecure by views other than their own will always find some means of exerting authority to bolster their own self-confidence.
There can hardly be a wrong question. Just how it is interpretated by those to whom it is posed.
Probably Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche knows a little more than us. Also, Buddha.
Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with an impure mind a person speaks or acts suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.
Mind precedes all mental states. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-wrought. If with a pure mind a person speaks or acts happiness follows him like his never-departing shadow.
“He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me.” Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred.
“He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me.” Those who do not harbor such thoughts still their hatred.
To Lawrence
Given the amount of cover-up that has gone on within Rigpa, to ditch your reasoning mind now is both naive and dangerous.
By the way, many people would disagree with what you said: “Probably Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche knows a little more than us”.
Well, Dzongsar has sensationally messed up before, and has done some mindless things that none of us would have done.
For example, Dzongsar recently posted that most shocking “Sex Contract” on his Facebook page, deliberately coinciding it with the media storm surrounding Sogyal and Rigpa, attempting to make light of the whole situation. If you didn’t see it, it was the most inappropriate stunt in the form of a legal “Sex Contract” that listed numerous things that any rinpoche and student could sign mutual consent for, such as: the student would allow the rinpoche to give them anal sex, vaginal sex, and battery, and the student would also accept being urinated and defacated upon, and if the student got pregnant she would have to have an abortion. This “Sex Contract” deeply upset many people, particularly as Dzongsar posted it on his public Facebook page where many young Buddhists saw it, some of whom were minors. As a result of the uproar it caused, the post was taken down. However, despite receiving many complaints, Dzongsar failed to issue an apology to the many people who were not only insulted during such a sensitive time, but who were also deeply and justifiably concerned about the damage that it did to the image of Buddhism.
After all of this, and his most recent speech at Rigpa, it is no surprise that Rigpa want Dzongsar to be its advisor to its governing board, which consists of a small group of Sogyal’s closest supporters.
Well Lawrence, each to their own, but I for one will not be naive and be sucked into Dzongsar’s and Rigpa’s agenda. I will continue to use my reasoning mind, and I will also take His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s advice, who publicly criticised Sogyal, saying that he is disgraced.
@Marge
We’re talking about different levels of perception.
You really think that must be justice, and I understand and even accept that, but, such a judgement is an illusion, or a wrong perception.
I did not see the shocking posting you talk about, I’m rarely on facebook.
You do not have to believe in DKR, just look at things with detachment and wisdom. No matter how serious or important relative things might seem, that’s not why we are here.
I don’t want to take anyone’s defense, I didn’t meet DKR personally. I do not have an empirical justification for my good opinion of him. I have no authority in front of you to convince you that things are different.
The only thing I can say is that, – thanks to my sublime Teacher (not DKR), trough what I have accumulated up to now, makes me say that DKR is one of the few people who can help others on the Path in these times, beyond any sexual statement or any other kind of… I don’t think the DKR is a Mahasiddha, as he himself said, but “I know” he is a very precious stone for today’s Dharma.
To Lawrence,
I’m not wasting any more time in order to prove the obvious point of the importance of warning innocent people about Sogyal’s sex abuse and Rigpa’s cover-up.
Instead, I’ll just leave you with the follwoing quote, by the highly respected master, Mingyur Rinpoche:
“However, it is another matter altogether when a teacher is committing serious ethical violations. Leaving a teacher on good terms makes sense when the issue is just a matter of fit between teacher and student. When the issue is people being hurt or laws being broken, the situation is different.
In that case, the violation of ethical norms needs to be addressed. If physical or sexual abuse has occurred, or there is financial impropriety or other breaches of ethics, it is in the best interest of the students, the community, and ultimately the teacher, to address the issues. Above all, if someone is being harmed, the safety of the victim comes first. This is not a Buddhist principle. This is a basic human value and should never be violated.
The appropriate response depends on the situation. In some cases, if a teacher has acted inappropriately or harmfully but acknowledges the wrongdoing and commits to avoiding it in the future, then dealing with the matter internally may be adequate. But if there is a long-standing pattern of ethical violations, or if the abuse is extreme, or if the teacher is unwilling to take responsibility, it is appropriate to bring the behavior out into the open.
In these circumstances, it is not a breach of samaya to bring painful information to light. Naming destructive behaviors is a necessary step to protect those who are being harmed or who are in danger of being harmed in the future, and to safeguard the health of the community.”
Taken from Lion’s Roar – Published on October 26th 2017
@Lawrence. Oh fuck. This controversy has been boiling along for about eight months, and still more victim-blamers emerge.
I think that justifies a bit of swearing.
I pray that lost beings could find back their mind. We don’t need to wait for the mind of his holiness X or his eminence Y to make our own comprehension of a situation. We have to use our capacity in accordance with our capabilities.
Good comment Pascalou. It is imperative, critical even for people to draw upon their own wisdom, their own common sense and sense of right and wrong.
Because if you don’t develop the heart with the mind together, then you are left with arrogance and strong ego. DKR feels that Rigpa needs to focus on study. But I feel they should focus on developing their hearts. Because there seems a lacking of that.
Did they feel nothing when they heard that Sogyal pulled (dragged?) a naked female student with a noose around her neck, braying and laughing? Did they try to stop him or just stare silently on? Did they feel nothing when they heard she committed suicide? Did they attend her funeral? Reach out to her family?
I am it seems countless others are wondering how is it that this has not been put to rest, how this could have continued. And how lamas who knew of what was happening did not have the compassion to stop it. If they are examples of what years of retreat and countless drupchens produce, then what is the point? If it weren’t for HHDL and a few core lamas I would have left long ago.
I remember 20 years ago when a friend told me that this Tibetan Lady I met have been raped by a Rinpoche, I thought ” if he have done, he must have a good reason ” . With time I realize that I was totally blind, with blind faith. Today I would think differently , it is important to protect beings from all kind of suffering not to give them more suffering. And for those who serves bullshit excuses as ” victims has the karma to be abused”, I would say, ” abuser will have to face the result of this action “
Dear Lawrence and all other Ostrich’s with their heads in the sand, you can no longer say you didn’t see the sex contract please find it pasted below.
If this is your lama, if this is wisdom to you, then you deserve him, may he shit on you and and give you anal sex toys for the sake of your enlightenment…but please protect the young girls and boys, they deserve to decide for themselves.
This man child with the maturity of an awkward prepubescent male, HE is your lama…pathetic…
SEX CONTRACT WRITTEN BY DJKR AND POSTED ON HIS FB PAGE
I thought this might come in handy for Rinpoches like myself who are not omniscient, not omnipotent,
and not well trained; who don’t give enough preparatory training on the prerequisites to their
students; and who get carried away by their own self-agendas and, from time to time, by their
hormones.
MAKE LOVE NOT HEADLINES! SCREW WITHOUT GETTING SCREWED!
Bender and Boner Law has over 70 combined years’ experience in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. We are sensitive to the special needs of Gurus and Rinpoches who desire to save all sentient beings yet also wish to have fulfilling sex lives. Let one of our ironclad consent forms protect you from fears of future litigation. Our in-house psychologists are on call 24/7 to assess your potential partners for any unsuitable moral quirks and/or tendencies to play victim. If you’ve already made a few mistakes, (and who hasn’t?), don’t worry! We can still save your reputation, your assets, and your ass. Free initial consultation. Call us before it’s too late! See our website at
http://www.theyconsented.com
DEED OF AGREEMENT
I can’t get the form to paste here.
PARTIES
and
Bender & Boner Lawyers
Address P: F: E:
http://www.benderandboner.com
Operative Provision
It is agreed that P1 and P2 (hereinafter “the Parties”) are desirous to have consensual
sex in the terms that follow:
1. The time period of consent shall begin on execution of this agreement and continue
until or until such time as the agreement is terminated in
accordance with the provisions below.
2. Either party may terminate this agreement at any time expressly by verbally
infoming the other party of his/her desire to do so on the video recording articulated
in this agreement, or by giving prior adequate written Notice as set out below.
3. Notices – A communication required by this deed, by a party to another, must be in
writing and may be given to them by being:
(a) Delivered personally; or
(b) Posted to their address specified in this agreement,. or as later notified by
them, in which case it will be treated as having been received on the second
business day after posting; or
(c) Faxed to the facsimile number of the party with acknowledgment of receipt
received electronically by the sender, when it will be treated as received on the
day of sending; or
(d) Sent by email to their email address, when it will be treated as received on
that day.
The Agreement
4. I, ————-· P1 hereby declare under penalty of perjury
that I am over 18 years old, and have furnished P2 with official identification
substantiating this declaration. (Photocopy of official identification attached as
Appendix 1)
(If P1 is under 18, a copy of her/his official identification along with copies of
statutes showing age of consent both in place in which sexual acts take place
and in place where P1 resides, should be attached as Appendix 1A)
5. I, ————-· P2 hereby declare under penalty of perjury
that I am over 18 years old and have furnished P1 with official identification
substantiating this declaration. (Photocopy of official identification attached as
Appendix 2)
(If P2 is under 18, a copy of her/his official identification along with copies of
statutes showing age of consent both in place in which sexual acts take place
and in place where P2 resides, should be attached as Appendix 2A)
6. The Parties further declare that this agreement is made of their own free will and that
neither, nor anyone near or dear to either, has been threatened with harm or
embarrassment. ___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
7. The Parties further declare that they are at this time not under the influence of
alcohol, drugs or medication, and they have voluntarily submitted to a blood test to
substantiate this declaration. (photocopy of blood test attached as Appendices 3
and 4 respectively). P1(1nitial) P2 (initial)
8. The Parties further declare that they are not being influenced or coerced into a
sexual relationship with the other party by any power imbalance or any other
differential between the Parties due to their position, and that their relationship as
defined in this agreement, is a purely sexual one which has no bearing or effect on
other relationships that may also be engaged in, be that student/teacher,
guru/disciple or any other relationship. P1(initial) P2 (initial)
9. The Parties are aware that any sexual activities that they engage in are purely
physical in nature and are unrelated and totally separate from any spiritual, Buddhist,
Vajrayana, Tantric or other such practices in which either party may also separately
engage in. P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
10. The Parties are entering into this agreement freely and have been made aware
that it has no bearing or relationship to any so called samaya that either may
otherwise have with the other. P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
11. The Parties are informed that any agreement made by to enter or not to into a
sexual relationship with the other would have no effect, either positive or negative, to
any pre-existing or subsequent samaya that might or might not exist between the two
of them. P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
12. It is completely understood and agreed by the Parties that neither party has
made any promises, guarantees, suggestions, or insinuations that the other party wi ll
benefit spiritually, psychologically, karmically or materially in any way from this
agreement to have consensual sex. P1(initial) P2 (initial)
13. The Parties also fully understand that by engaging in sex with each other, s/he
does not thereby become any kind of spiritual consort, khandro, daka, dakini,
spokesperson, better person, or teacher, nor will such sexual acts result in a change
in the Party’s position in any hierarchy or mandala that may or may not exist.
___ P1(initial) P2 (initial)
14. Each party warrants thats/he does not suffer from any sexual, serious, infectious
or life-threatening illness or disease including, but not limited to, HIV, Herpes and
Hepatitis, and the like, and agrees to be examined by a physician of the other Party’s
choice (or a physician agreed by the Parties) and is wil ling to submit to any required
blood and medical tests whenever requested. (Results of medical and blood tests
both parties attached as Appendix 5). If, during the term of this agreement, either
party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he/she
undertakes to inform the other immediately thereafter and in any event, prior to any
subsequent form of physical contact between the Parties. P1 (in itial)
___ P2 (initial)
15. Both Parties agree that this contract does not create an exclusive relationship
between the Parties, and that either or both may pursue other relationships while this
agreement is in effect. However, each party agrees to avoid any type of unprotected
sex with persons other than their respective spouses during the term of this
agreement. P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
16. Contraception: If it is possible for either party to become pregnant, the Parties
agree to use an agreed form of contraception on an ongoing basis.
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial)
17. If either party does become pregnant to the other party, the pregnant party
agrees to terminate the said pregnancy unless otherwise agreed by the other party.
___ P1(initial) P2 (initial)
18. Both Parties agree that this is a private agreement not to be disclosed to third
parties except in case of accusation of sexual misconduct by the agreeing party. If
he/she shows or makes public this agreement without accusation of sexual
misconduct, it is agreed that he/she will be liable for damages for invasion of privacy.
___ P1(initial) P2 (initial)
Activities
19. The Parties agree to engage in the following activities as initialed by them for the
full term of this agreement:
a. Full body touching (external only)
___ P1 (initial) P2 (in itial)
b. Kissing with/without the insertion of tongue into mouth
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
c. Digital penetration (receiving) –
______________________ (specify orifice(s)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial}
d. Digital penetration (giving) –
______________________ (specify orifice(s)
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
e. Vajra worship (receiving as vajra master)
___ P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
f. Vajra worship (giving as daka/dakini)
___ P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
g. Yoni worship (receiving as yoni goddess)
___ P1(initial) P2 (in itial)
h. Yoni worship (giving as yoni devotee)
___ P1(initial) P2 (initial)
i. Oral sex (receiving)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (in itial)
j. Oral sex (giving)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial)
k. Vaginal sex (receiving)
P1(initial) P2 (initial)
I. Vaginal sex (giving)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (in itial)
m. Anal sex (receiving)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (in itial)
n. Anal sex (giving)
___ P1 (in ltial) ___ P2 (in itial)
o. Cream pie (receiving)
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
p. Cream pie (receiving)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial)
q. Vaginal sex toys (receiving) –
______________________ (specify toys)
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
r. Vaginal sex toys (giving) –
______________________ (specify toys)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial)
s. Anal sex toys (receiving) –
______________________ (specify toys)
___ P1(initial) ___ .P2 (initial)
t. Anal sex toys (giving) –
______________________ (specify toys)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial)
u. Restraint, including CIA approved stress positions, using the following devices –
_____________________ (specify devices)
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
v. Use of following devices in or on the body –
______________________ (specify)
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
w. BDSM (sub)
___ P1 (inltial) ___ P2 (initial)
x. BDSM (dom)
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
y. Water sports (being golden showered)
___ P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
z. Water sports (golden showering)
___ P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
aa. Defecation (receiving)
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
bb. Defecation (giving)
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
cc. Participation in group sex with __ males __ females other.
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
dd. Participation in orgy or orgies with numerous males, females, and others.
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
ee.Animal love (receiving) – If the jurisdiction permits
specify acceptable animal(s) ________________ _
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
ff. Animal love (giving) – If the jurisdiction permits
specify acceptable animal(s) _______________ _
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
gg. Young love (giving)- subject to how young the jurisdiction permits
___ P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
hh. Young love (receiving) – subject to how young the jurisdiction permits
___ P1 (in itial) ___ P2 (initial)
ii. necrophilia _____________________ (specify
gender of corpse(s) and acceptable activities. ___ P1(initial) ___ P2
jj. use of pornography ___ P1 (initial) ___ P2(initial)
_______________________ (specify)
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
kk. Other activities ————–
_______________________ (specify)
___ P1(initial) ___ P2 (initial)
NB: if further details are required to specify certain activities, the Parties are to continue
on a separate sheet of paper adequately marked and annex to this agreement).
20. Whereas both Parties are aware that attraction may escalate during the agreed
upon sexual activities, and that the parties may desire to engage in activities
heretofore not consented to, the Parties agree as follows:
a) There shall be no sexual activity of any kind other than that specified and
consented to in this agreement without the establishment of a new, separate
agreement.
___ P1 (initial) ___ P2 (initial)
b) Sexual activity of a kind other than that specified and consented to in this
agreement shall be consented to by mutual verbal consent during the activities
engaged in under the consent given in the present agreement.
_ __ P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
20. During any of the above activities either party may say “Code Yellow” and the other
party may continue with the activity, but must proceed slowly, with caution .. If either
party says, “Code Red” both parties shall immediately cease any and all activities. The
Parties may then resume activities other than the “Code Red” activity, if both Parties are
in agreement,, or either party may call a halt to all activities for any specified time period.
___ P 1 (initial) P2 (initial)
21. This agreement may be terminated at any time by either/or both Parties either
verbally on the recording device (see 22 and 23 below) or in writing (See Operative
Provisions 1and2 above). The terms of this agreement may be changed at any time
only by the agreement of both parties either verbally on the recording device (see 22
and 23 below) or in writing (See Operative Provisions 1 and 2 above).
22. The Parties agree that the law firm of Bender and Boner (hereinafter ‘The Firm”), or
its agent, will prior to the beginning of any activities, set up an unobtrusive video or
other recording device to record the reading and signing of this contract, and any and
all subsequent foreplay and/or sexual acts occurring during the term of this agreement
solely for the purpose of demonstrating that any and all acts were freely consented to
and agreed upon by both Parties and did not fall outside of or go beyond the boundaries
set forth In this agreement, and the Parties agree that only The Firm will have
possession of such recording and that neither will any member or agent of The Firm
ever view or listen to such recording nor will it ever be shown to third parties except as
specified below in Section 23. P1 (initial) P2 (initial)
23. The Firm, by the signature of its officer or agent below, agrees that any recordings
made in regard to this contract will be kept in a secure locked safe in The Firm’s offices
or safe deposit box in its bank and that no member of The Firm, or its agents, will ever
view it nor will it ever be revealed to any third parties, in any manner, unless a party
makes an allegation of sexual misconduct, goes to the police or the courts, to the press
or any media, including social media, or any third parties with accusations or allegations
of sexual misconduct, coercion, or makes claims of having been harmed, misled, or
mistreated in any way by the other party.
—————(signature of principal or agent of The Firm)
24. I have had the opportunity to fully review this agreement and to have this
agreement reviewed by an attorney of my own choosing. P1 P2
25. Prior to signing this agreement, a member of The Firm or its agent has read this
agreement to me aloud, answered any question that I might have, and I fu lly understand
it. P1 P2
This agreement is made this _ day of the month of _____ in the year 20 _
between ——————–(hereinafter “P1”)
and ——————–(hereinafter “P2”)
RECITALS
OPERATIVE PART
Interpretation
This deed of agreement to engage in consensual sex is governed by the laws of the
jurisdiction it is executed in or in which the parties reside, and the parties, submit to the
non-exclusive jurisdiction of the courts of that jurisdiction.
In the interpretation of this deed:
(a) Words denoting the singular include the plural and vice versa; words denoting
individuals or persons include particular body parts and appendages, and vice
versa; references to documents or agreements also mean those documents
or agreement as changed, novated or replaced, and words denoting one
gender include all genders including transgender; and
(b) Grammatical forms of defined words or phrases have corresponding
meanings.
Execution Page
Executed as a deed on this __ day of the month of ____ in the year 20 _
This agreement is to be executed by both parties before a member of The Firm or its
agent and two competent witness over 18 years of age, one witness to be chosen by
each party. Immediately prior to the initiation of any the activities elucidated above, the
parties shall have listened to the reading aloud of this agreement in its entirety by a
member of The Firm, or it agent, and if in agreement, shall initial and sign where
appropriate.
Signature Party 1 (P1) Printed or typed name Party 1 (P1)
Signature Party 2 (P2) Printed or typed name Party 2 (P2)
Signature Witness 1 Printed or typed name Witness 1
Signature Witness 2 Printed or typed name Witness 2
Thankyou. Please be aware that DKR, or his senior students, are currently setting up the Middle Way school in Woodstock, NY. My concern is whether the education of young minds is really something that DKR should be involved in.
Yes that contract screams of class, integrity, maturity, respect, and deep care for ‘the spiritual path of all beings’. But make sure your read the whole thing, because you westerners don’t have the patience to read all of his words. So make sure you read it start to finish. oh, and don’t criticize. that is a command.
This needs to be one of the questions for him- how many football matches did he miss over writing this contract? and what was his motivation?
I am really sorry for the negative effect of some words, you have felt.
Unfortunately, you will never be able to escape this feeling as long as you look at things and phenomena, the way you look at them now. I understand very well your point of view, and I understand your perplexity when you find that not everybody sees the drama you see.
One of the most important challenges on path, is to look detached and wise, not at things that seem to be bad, but, at things that are really bad. Only then, you can say that you have truly set yourselves on the Path, and only at that moment, will you really be able to distinguish between what appears to be and what really is.
@Lawrence: your second para is a load of shite. But I think you know that.
@ Lawrence: “One of the most important challenges on path, is to look detached and wise…”
Save it. This is superficial to appear or to ‘look detached and wise’ rather than to truly be. I personally don’t want to appear or to be detached. I have seen my share of arrogance in western buddhist communities, including and especially among ‘senior’ students who appear detached and uncaring, not appearing to have developed their hearts. The arrogance and lack of warmth can be astounding.
Such an unskillful ‘sex contract’ put out by DKR should be questioned in the next public Q&A.
@concerned
Please do not fragment the phrase. You know well what I meant.
If you think you do not understand what I mean, it’s probably my fault. English is not my mother language.
To be clearer, I wanted to use the verb “look” in the sense of “watch” or “see”. “… to watch detached and wise not at things that seem to be bad, but, at things that are really bad.”
Every kind of worry you feel for others, will follow you everywhere, always.
It is best to leave alone all senior students and those who you think are false gurus. They have enough of their problems, and they will have more, even without your contribution.
To Lawrence,
Whoever you are, and whatever agenda you have, it is highly irresponsible, and it lacks both wisdom and compassion.
You still do not understand the most obvious point of the importance of warning innocent people about Sogyal’s sex abuse and Rigpa’s cover-up. Something that Dzongsar has repeatedly failed to do!
Again Lawrence, I’ll just leave you with the follwoing quote, by the highly respected master, Mingyur Rinpoche, who offers the responsible advice that we need right now:
“However, it is another matter altogether when a teacher is committing serious ethical violations. Leaving a teacher on good terms makes sense when the issue is just a matter of fit between teacher and student. When the issue is people being hurt or laws being broken, the situation is different.
In that case, the violation of ethical norms needs to be addressed. If physical or sexual abuse has occurred, or there is financial impropriety or other breaches of ethics, it is in the best interest of the students, the community, and ultimately the teacher, to address the issues. Above all, if someone is being harmed, the safety of the victim comes first. This is not a Buddhist principle. This is a basic human value and should never be violated.
The appropriate response depends on the situation. In some cases, if a teacher has acted inappropriately or harmfully but acknowledges the wrongdoing and commits to avoiding it in the future, then dealing with the matter internally may be adequate. But if there is a long-standing pattern of ethical violations, or if the abuse is extreme, or if the teacher is unwilling to take responsibility, it is appropriate to bring the behavior out into the open.
In these circumstances, it is not a breach of samaya to bring painful information to light. Naming destructive behaviors is a necessary step to protect those who are being harmed or who are in danger of being harmed in the future, and to safeguard the health of the community.”
Taken from Lion’s Roar – Published on October 26th 2017
What is wisdom and compassion?
Can compassion be just for the victims, not for the guru? I say compassion must be for everyone, especially for the one who is wrong.
And if we really need to talk about Wisdom, then all that says on this blog is meaningless.
Prajñā “wisdom” is insight in the true nature of reality.
The righteousness you desire is impermanent and interdependent. In the end it will not be of any use to you.
To Lawrence,
Yes, one cultivates compassion for all beings; including the victims of sex abuse, and the perpetrators of sex abuse. But that does not mean that one does not act when one witnesses sex abuse. With forceful compassion towards the perpetrator, one must stop them, and then make sure that there are safe guarding measures in place so that it does not occur again.
Lawrence, you seem to have only half the understanding of what reality is about. Try and study the Two Truths; the conventional truth and the ultimate truth. When cultivating a non-conceptual direct experience of the ultimate truth, one does not cultivate a nihilistic view towards the conventional truth. As Padmasambhava said, “My realization is higher than the sky, but my observance of karma is finer than grains of flour.”
I’ll leave you with the following quote by His Holiness the Dalai Lama about this topic. Bear in mind that he has the deepest understanding of the two truths, and when he knew what Sogyal had done, he explicitly stated that Sogyal is disgraced.
The Two Truths:
“To understand selflessness, you need to understand that everything that exists is contained in two groups called the two truths: conventional and ultimate. The phenomena that we see and observe around us can go from good to bad, or bad to good, depending on various causes and conditions. Many phenomena cannot be said to be inherently good or bad; they are better or worse, tall or short, beautiful or ugly, only by comparison, not by way of their own nature. Their value is relative. From this you can see that there is a discrepancy between the way things appear and how they actually are. For instance, something may—in terms of how it appears—look good, but, due to its inner nature being different, it can turn bad once it is affected by conditions. Food that looks so good in a restaurant may not sit so well in your stomach. This is a clear sign of a discrepancy between appearance and reality.
These phenomena themselves are called conventional truths: they are known by consciousness that goes no further than appearances. But the same objects have an inner mode of being, called an ultimate truth, that allows for the changes brought about by conditions. A wise consciousness, not satisfied with mere appearances, analyzes to find whether objects inherently exist as they seem to do but discovers their absence of inherent existence. It finds an emptiness of inherent existence beyond appearances.
However, we know from direct experience that people and things cause pleasure and pain, and that they can help and harm. Therefore, phenomena certainly do exist; the question is how? They do not exist in their own right, but only have an existence dependent upon many factors, including a consciousness that conceptualizes them.”
There are three ways in which we can experience these two truths:
1. At the stage of ordinary beings, appearances are regarded as inherently real and are perceived with grasping. This is called the incorrect relative.
2. At the stage of noble beings, appearances are realized to be deceptive and are perceived without any grasping. This is called the correct relative.
3. At the stage of buddhahood, there are no ordinary appearances or non-appearances whatsoever, and any concerns about grasping or non-grasping no longer applies. This is called the absolute.
To Lawrence,
There are various classification schemes that describe one’s progress and shift of perception while on the path; you had alluded to just one of them.
However, not one of these classification schemes is harmonious with your initial, and somewhat confused assertion. Until you acknowledge your initial confusion, you are just digging yourself a deeper hole.
Lawrence, it’s quite clear that you have some hidden agenda. I do not know what it is, but I would rather take the advice of great beings, such as His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and Mingyur Rinpoche, and compassionately speak out against Sogyal’s sex abuse and the covering-up that went on within Rigpa…. something which Dzongsar, for some reason, is failing to do.
@Marge
I’m sorry to notice that you have the inclination to always blame others.
I do not know how many schemes, classifications and variations you know, but what I know is that the Buddha said the following:
“Whatever harm an enemy may do to an enemy, or a hater to a hater, an ill-directed mind inflicts on oneself a greater harm.”
To Lawrence,
No, I do not have an inclination to blame others, Lawrence. I will, however, do what I can to protect victims of sex abuse, even if that means being involved in a discussion with you, as you had initially made some absurd suggestions that dismiss the importance of speaking out against Sogyal’s sex abuse and the covering-up that went on within Rigpa.
Many of us will continue to speak out, because Dzongsar, Rigpa’s new advisor, remains silent.
Regarding the Buddha’s teaching that you had just posted, we’ve already covered the importance of compassion for all beings, Lawrence. In short, as long as one has compassion for both the sex abuse victims and the perpetrator of sex abuse, speaking out against sex abuse is a constructive action that does not harm one’s inner peace.
@marge
Nagarjuna said that we encounter objects, some pleasant, some unpleasant, which we try to acquire or avoid accordingly. More or less complicated situations arise, which themselves seem individual and real. We are happy and we suffer. To the uncritical observer, life consists of blocks; it is a collection of individual, discrete realities. But this is an illusion. In its anxiety for reassurance and security, the mind reifies situations and things, which it clings to and manipulates in its hopeless quest for lasting satisfaction. In order to expose this procedure as the false trail that it is, Nagarjuna relentlessly demonstrates the inconsistencies inherent in what ordinarily passes for common sense; he shows that the normal “worldview” is in fact riddled with contradiction. It is important to understand, however, that he is not trying to deny our experience of production and change, or of anything else in the phenomenal world. That would be absurd; the world-process is all around us constantly, undeniably. The objects of his critique are not the empirical facts of existence that inescapably appear to us but the assumptions that we make about these facts. We think that real things give rise to real things; that real things come into being and pass away.
The true status of the phenomena that we experience is not, therefore, to be found in their supposed real entity, but in their relatedness, their interdependence with all other phenomena.
This is very important and at a great distance from the way someone tries to fix things, here.
I prefer to listen to HHDL. He has compassion for everyone, which is very very difficult. So I cannot say I have true compassion for everyone. I have met very few who have truly understood what this word actually means. It’s surely easy to say compassion must be for everyone, though.
Anyway HHDL does have compassion for everyone and recognizes the importance of ethics and the importance of speaking out when people are being abused and led astray in the name of dharma. So I choose to defer to HH here.
My last comment was for Lawrence.
New question for all: what happened to Mingyur Rinpoche? I thought he was supposed to be on the vision board?
I really like the Dalai Lama and I respect him. I think he’s right when he talks about Sogyal.
But the Dalai Lama has never disputed what DJK says in Vajrayana defense.
Do not forget that in 1981, Trungpa and his students hosted the 14th Dalai Lama in his visit to Boulder, Colorado. Of Chögyam Trungpa, the Dalai Lama later wrote, “Exceptional as one of the first Tibetan lamas to become fully assimilated into Western culture, he made a powerful contribution to revealing the Tibetan approach to inner peace in the West.”
To Lawrence,
Please stop digressing, and please stop attempting to generalise and over simplify comparisons, particulalry when involving His Holiness the Dalai Lama. You have already made some very confused comments on this thread. Moreover, please keep your comments pertinent to the ongoing concerns that were initially raised:
1. Sogyal committed sex abuse.
2. Rigpa was covering-up Sogyal’s sex abuse.
3. Dzongsar was informed about the sex abuse numerous times over the years.
4. Dzongsar is now Rigpa’s new main advisor to its new governing board, which consists of a small group of Sogyal’s closest supporters.
5. Dzongsar remains silent, while His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Mingyur Rinpoche advise people to speak out when they have witnessed such a level of unethical conduct.
@Marge
The Buddha is saying that a lasting solution cannot possibly lie in the reorganization of the dream, in a mere rearrangement of the furniture.
A better plan is to dreaming and to wake up. And to wake from the dream, it is necessary to understand the nature of phenomena.
Buddha himself had declared the ultimate truth to be beyond the scope of the ordinary mind.
Whether or not someone “gets it” and realizes the point, and whether or not someone is able to apply it to good purpose, depends not only on intelligence but also on merit, the positive orientation and receptiveness of the mind, which is the result of training in virtue on the path.
Lawrence, here is what HH said about Chogyam Trungpa at the 1993 conference with Western Buddhist teachers:
As translated by Thubten Jingpa: “One of the sad things that I noticed is that this particular organization [Chogyam Trungpa’s] is that– I met some people who are from the organization who seems to be living in constant fear and anxiety–”
Directly spoken by His Holiness: “That, I don’t know why, why such things happen– since Buddhist organization– they should not create any sort of fear in their organization. But some individuals express to me that while they are in that organization, a little bit sort of fear– I don’t know what was the reason, I don’t know. Sad.”
@Joanne Clark
What I quoted above was said in March 18, 2004 as “A Message from His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama” for the book “Recalling Chögyam Trungpa” by Fabrice Midal
@Lawrence,
The quote from the Dalai lama (regarding Trungpa) doesn’t really tell us what HHDL thought of Trungpa’s behavior. He is merely saying that Trungpa made a significant contribution to Dharma in the West. This is absolutely true, regardless of what one might personally think of Trungpa’s behavior. Since Asians/Tibetans in general tend not to openly criticize, (especially at their peers), it is hard to know what he really thinks.
As for DKR, he is a slippery one. I watched that long video where he answers some hard questions put to him by students. One person asked him what he thought of Sogyal Rinpoche personally, and DKR weaseled out of it and didn’t directly answer. He is like a politician, who answers a question without really answering.
What’s going on with Mingyur Rinpoche? Wasn’t he supposed to be on the vision board? Or was his advice too sound?
@ concerned: please refer to the post here about the Vision Board – it doesn’t mention Mingyur Rinpoche. https://whatnow727.wordpress.com/2018/01/04/latest-news-from-rigpa-how-the-future-looks/
Yes I saw that. So what happened there?
@Lawrence re your comment: “But the Dalai Lama has never disputed what DJK says in Vajrayana defense.”
The Dalai Lama is hardly likely to engage in a running public debate by proxy with DJK, or any other teachers, for that matter. Nothing to be gained from that!